Remoy Philip

writer. creator. producer.

Stop this train...

A thought occurred to me, I have no way of pinning down my future. If I looked back five years ago, I would be able to say, dream, and imagine what I would be doing in my near future. Of course most of it would wither away and be left for not, but I still had an idea. I'm at a point, pinnacle, fulcrum, or a hilt where I cannot see anywhere into my future. There is no cloud cover where visibility can be regained, it is more along the lines of these clowds aren't goin' nowhere. I cannot predict, guage, nor encompass a thing. That's a scary thought. Not only is it scary, but it's horrifying.

I want to put these thoughts in the form of a metaphor, analogy, or just in a story. I'm going to give it a try. Bare with me:

I'm on a train ride. Remoy Philip is the only journeyman with a ticket for this odyssey. I can hear the conductor over the muffled loud- speaker. "This is a one way ride to nowhere and everywhere. Keep your eyes open, for you may miss the scenery. Sometimes the view will be marred with struggles, but the when the sun comes through, the beauty will be unmeasurable. You are equipped with a brake that gives you the ability to decide where and when you stop. However, if you decide to trust my judgement, I will guide you into and through the various stops. The track is being laid as we go; so the outcome is undetermined. Soon the car will fill with friends, family, and most importantly, a long-term lover. Along the way, you will have the joys of seeing them join you on your adventure; and you will have to endure the sadness of letting them go. However Mr. Philip, the train will not stop nor linger at these stops. You will have to keep travelling on and on. The day will come when the ride will end. You will not know the time nor the hour. All the honors, awards, ornaments, and sentiments that you have posted all along these walls will soon fade and be covered in dust. The end will be anti-climactic, but so is life."

I didn't even have time to think as the train started off. I walked softly to the front to peer out the window. The moments were passing by without any sort of acknowledgment of my opinions or thoughts. I looked through the glass intently scanning the depths for the view of other trains making their own journeys. I was hoping to find some solace, but I saw nothing of the sort. I ran to the back of the train to see the past fade into the horizon. I opened the window and desperately began to grab, trying to hold on to what I could grasp. But to no avail, my desperation counted for shit. I went back to my seat and tried to gain my composure.

It's funny how I sat waiting on someone or something to care about my discomfort. I kept looking up at the loudspeaker; but all that came out was a calm yet annoying silence. I tried to make my frustration last, but the first stop was soon approaching. Everything about this stop was beautiful and luxurious. I was sure that if I took the time to look, I would have found the goddess Voluptas resting on a bed of pleasure and intoxication. I was starting to smile as I saw my first recess from this strenuous ordeal. I pressed my ear to the window, but I heard no squealing of the brakes. I looked at the speaker and gave one scornful look. "What the hell! Why aren't we stopping? Do you see what I have to gain here? Moreover, what do I have to lose?" However, there was still no variance in our speed. I looked at the red brake lever that figured to be my only control on this ride. The "decision lever" is what it came to be called. I wrapped my youthful hands around it. I was waiting for a voice to disrupt my thoughts and take control. But again there was nothing."

So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young...
-John Mayer