letting go...
The hardest part is letting go...
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.
Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 3:12-14
I've had a tough time with this verse. I guess I'm just scared of losing it all. AHH, I'm so scared. Whether it be the amazing moments or the frustrating years, I don't want to forget them. I want to hold on to the days that have created my past. I have been broken, molded, decimated, and revitalized. I want to hold on to those times, so desperately I want to keep them with me.
It's hard for me to say, this is who I am going to be. It's easier for me to say, this is who Remoy Philip was. "Check out how I did this or how I was then or how I know because of when..." I know this maybe hard for all of you to understand, but man, it's something I'm wrestling with in this moment. If you could see my face, as I try to hide the tears that break me, you would know.
I know I have a destiny. I know this fact. This ideal is what brought me to and through redemption. However, I'm so frightened of going forward, because I could let you down. Moreover, what happens if I do not reach the pinnacle of success or reach the peak of achievement that I have created for myself. I'm so much more content in living with who I was. I want to remain in that jar of formaldehyde on a shelf in a room next to Kermit's third cousin ready for occasional inspection, where I can never be forced to be better or worse.
Pray for me, that I press on. Pray that I learn how to strain forward. I need to learn to move forward and how it's ok to dissapoint. I also need to learn how to get my legs back and keep fighting forward. Thank you so much for allowing me to be weak and fragile.
Be Relentless,
Peace
Remoy
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.
Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 3:12-14
I've had a tough time with this verse. I guess I'm just scared of losing it all. AHH, I'm so scared. Whether it be the amazing moments or the frustrating years, I don't want to forget them. I want to hold on to the days that have created my past. I have been broken, molded, decimated, and revitalized. I want to hold on to those times, so desperately I want to keep them with me.
It's hard for me to say, this is who I am going to be. It's easier for me to say, this is who Remoy Philip was. "Check out how I did this or how I was then or how I know because of when..." I know this maybe hard for all of you to understand, but man, it's something I'm wrestling with in this moment. If you could see my face, as I try to hide the tears that break me, you would know.
I know I have a destiny. I know this fact. This ideal is what brought me to and through redemption. However, I'm so frightened of going forward, because I could let you down. Moreover, what happens if I do not reach the pinnacle of success or reach the peak of achievement that I have created for myself. I'm so much more content in living with who I was. I want to remain in that jar of formaldehyde on a shelf in a room next to Kermit's third cousin ready for occasional inspection, where I can never be forced to be better or worse.
Pray for me, that I press on. Pray that I learn how to strain forward. I need to learn to move forward and how it's ok to dissapoint. I also need to learn how to get my legs back and keep fighting forward. Thank you so much for allowing me to be weak and fragile.
Be Relentless,
Peace
Remoy